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| "Before drawing boards were invented what did they go back to?" |
| "Do cemetery workers have a preference for the graveyard shift?" |
| "Do you ever get the feeling that you are using yesterday's software to create tomorrow's problems today?" |
| "Ever wonder how you can possibly be on the right track when you keep getting run over?" |
| "Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded." |
| "Has anyone out there figured out how to set their laser printer on stun?." |
| "How come 'good enough' never is?" |
| "How come it's the 'start' that stops most people?" |
| "How come you can 'put your two cents in', but you can only get 'a penny for your thoughts'?" |
| "How do they know when it is time to tune bagpipes?" |
| "How is it really possible to have a civil war?" |
| "If a book about how to fail doesn't sell, is it a success?" |
| "If a funeral procession is at night do they drive with their lights off?" |
| "If a killer shoots a mime, would a silencer be necessary?" |
| "If a mime is arrested, do they need to tell him that he has the right to remain silent?" |
| "If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?" |
| "If a smurf gets choked, what color does it turn?" |
| "If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make any sound?" |
| "If all is not lost, then where is it?" |
| "If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?" |
| "If at first you do succeed, please try not to look too astonished!" |
| "If 'change is inevitable' then shouldn't someone tell vending machines about it?" |
| "If it's really the tourist season, then why can't we shoot them?" |
| "If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, then why doesn't everyone just move ten miles away?" |
| "If one shoots a mime, should a silencer be used?" |
| "If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?" |
| "If the #2 pencil is the world's most popular, then why is it still #2?" |
| "If the black box is never damaged in a plane crash, then why isn't the entire airplane made of the same stuff?" |
| "If work is so terrific, then how come they have to pay you to do it?" |
| "If you ate pasta and antipasto, would they cancel each other out and you still be hungry?" |
| "If you melt enough dry ice, can you go swimming without getting wet?" |
| "If you try to fail, and succeed, then which have you done?" |
| "Is it really possible to be a closet claustrophobic?" |
| "Is it really possible to be totally partial?" |
| "Is it true that cannibals will not eat clowns because they taste funny?" |
| "Is it true that hungry cows have ravenous appetites?" |
| "Is there another word for thesaurus?" |
| "It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser." |
| "It was all so different before everything changed." |
| "It’s hard to make a comeback . . . if you haven’t been anywhere!" |
| "Kids in the back seat cause accidents . . . accidents in the back seat cause kids!" |
| "No matter where you go, there you are!" |
| "Only you can prevent forest fires." --Smokey the Bear |
| "Some days you're the dog . . . some days you're the hydrant." |
| "The first rule of holes: 'If you are in one, stop digging'." |
| "What happens if none of your bees wax?" |
| "What is another word for thesaurus?" |
| "What was the best thing before they invented sliced bread?" |
| "What will environmentalists do if an endangered animal is discovered that only eats endangered plants?" |
| "When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?" |
| "When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?" |
| "When you’re finally holding all the cards . . . why does everyone else decide to play chess?" |
| "Where is that we are going anyway? . . . and what's this about some handbasket?" |
| "Why are they called 'buildings' when they are already built? Wouldn't 'builts' be a better name?" |
| "Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?" |
| "Why do they bother to sterilize the needles used for lethal injections?" |
| "Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?" |
| "Why do they call it tooth paste? Wouldn't 'teeth paste' be more appropriate?" |
| "Why is it called common sense when it is so uncommon?" |
| "Why is it that 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?" |
| "Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that stupid song?" |
| "Why is the word abbreviation so long?" |
| "Why is there an expiration date on containers of sour cream?" |
| "Would a fly without wings be called a walk?" |
| "Does your train of thought have a caboose?" |
| "Errors have been made . . . Others will be blamed. |
| "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door . . . " |
| "Stress is when you wake up screaming . . . And then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet." |
| "Adults are just kids who owe lotsa money . . . This doesn't include me, of course!" 8>) |
| " . . . And to think that I work well over 40 hours a week to be this poor . . . " |
| "Too many freaks . . . not near enough circuses." |
| " At last . . . Chaos, panic, and disorder . . . my work here is almost complete!" |
| "You know what they say . . . . . . there's a beta tester born every minute . . . " |
| It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. |
| Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker. |
| It hurts to be on the cutting edge. |
| I don't get even, I get odder. |
| My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. |
| I am having an out of money experience. |
| An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. |
| A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time, his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly. |
| Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. |
| Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are. |
| Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. |
| Atheism is a nonprophet organization. |
| The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. |
| Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. |
| Atheism is a nonprophet organization. |
| If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? |
| The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. |
| If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong? |
| If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
| If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? |
| Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? |
| "What I want to know . . . . . . is what are we going to do for excitement after the new network is done?" |
| Boys will be boys (and so will a lot of middle aged men...) |
| Warranty clause voided by payment of invoice. |
| Ten out of ten people surveyed in the street are pedestrians. |
| This message was sent to you via email in much the same way bricks aren't. |
| The secret to finding something is knowing where it is |
| 'You want us to do WHAT?' - Ancient Chinese wall engineer. |
| Today's subliminal thought is: |
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